To the person caring for a loved one with Mental illness

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I see you. I see you thinking youre doing it all wrong. I see you worn out from wondering what they’re thinking.  

I see you asking yourself if you dealt with that manic episode correctly. Wondering if you fed into the episode, and fuelled the conspiracy theories.  

I see you desperately watching them when they’re suffering a depressive episode. Wondering if you take your eyes off them if they will try to end their life. I see you hiding the sharps in your house so they cant hurt themselves.  

I see you scrolling through your phone, wondering if now is the time you need to call their doctor,I see you agonising over when to call the crisis team, worrying you will be ‘wasting their time’I see you struggling to make the decision to have them admitted for their own safety, Wondering how far away from home they will be placed this time.  

I see you crying yourself to sleep at night, Worry etched on your face for how ill they are right now. I see you smiling on the outside when inside you want to scream,When youre thinking its too hard and you think about leaving.  

But I also see when they’re well, and you’re together as a happy family. You laugh, you smile, and you have fun. You always have some worries, but you allow yourself to enjoy these moments, and all the bad ones fade into the back ground.  

I see you. I see you doing the best job you can for the person you love. I see how much your loved one loves you, and how you keep them safe. I see love, and love is never easy.